This is always a potent time of year for me: the end of January and early February. Many, many examples I could share but I'll distill it down to this: I think there's something about the post-Winter Solstice Light that seems to grab hold of me and offer the promise of growth and Spring and invites radical transformation into my life.
I musing all this because my illness four years ago has resurfaced to haunt my dreams. Not in the physical sense (let's hope not - OMG-OMG-OMG!) but definitely in a more metaphysical sense as I truly begin to see myself aligned with a higher cosmological order of things. I've never really shared about how sick I got and how unbelievably awful it was. In fact, not a ton of people even knew this happened to me and far fewer have seen the ego-annihilating pictures. The long story short is that I got a wicked case of face shingles. It came on fast and before I could figure out the mystery-pain I was feeling wasn't simply an abscess tooth - but rather my whole face's matrix of nerves - it was too late: I'd already gotten the root canal to fix what I thought was a tooth problem and then this exploded all over my face:
It took a few days to even figure out it was shingles because apparently I'm way too young for this shit. And by the time I got medicine it was too late for it to work properly - the virus had propagated completely out of our control. I was out sick for almost a month. I lost about 15 pounds (which if you know me, I don't have 15 pounds to lose) because the shingles also went down my throat and the only thing I could "eat" was a yogurt shake. (Oh and also because I was recovering from a friggin' root canal at the same time!) P took a ton of time off work to care for me and to take me to a myriad of doctor's visits. I slept about 20 hours a day and generally meditated with the pain for days and days on end. I missed work, I missed meetings, I missed graduate school classes. I literally thought I was going to die. Nothing at all mattered to me except surviving this illness. The only thing that's even come close to this was the time I fell into the Cosmic Fire last December and burned both my hands to a crisp. Bearing two children (naturally, one at home) was easier than this ordeal.
I learned a few things from this experience and while I'm no expert, let's just say I've determined quite clearly for myself about the potency of the post-Winter-Solstice Light. I know to be calm. To be deliberate with my thoughts, words and actions. To rest. To drink plenty of water. All the common sense things - I'm not saying anything new and profound here. I've also tapped into an ability to empathize with others more deeply without knowing all the details even as I can take all the gory details with loads of space and an open heart and mind. Our world certainly seems like it's falling apart right now. As a white woman who is straight and married with two kids (rather boring on paper, shrug) I know I have a response-ability to not just my immediate circles of family and friends but also to strangers in the Universe to be understanding of other view points, to listen and to be kind - even through the madness.
This year is no different in its intensity. I know how to read the signs: it's the Full Wolf Moon (Aw-ooooooh! says this here Lone Wolf) with a full lunar eclipse last night, which I hope you saw - wow! I mean, the energies this year are so clearly potent that none of us need an astrology lesson to tell us this (although they're helpful for perspective). So who knows what's down the pike y'all...
To quote one of the greats, Martin Luther King Jr. We need leaders not in love with money but in love with justice. Not in love with publicity but in love with humanity. I'm inspired and I'm here to serve - in whatever form that takes.
I danced and danced alone last night to open my body up and today I work to solidify the intention of Radical Healing and Joy for 2019. For all of us! Viva!
Also, my face healed up just fine although there are scars if you know where to look.
May it be so.
1/26/2019 04:43:29 am
Ooooooo SJ ..... after reading this entry all I can do is sit in my quiet center and 'just be' .... recognizing the depth of your inner walking is beyond words, yet you find ways to express, which is amazing -- the way of the Divine Mother is Grace through suffering -- our meeting was written in the stars. I love you. ~ Lee Ann xo
1/26/2019 04:53:54 am
PS - Dying Before We Die
1/31/2019 07:00:54 am
Oh dearest fellow pilgrim. Thank you for reading. It’s peobably time for a call soon, yes? Blessings to you and your beautiful family.
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